Little Rascals – Página 5 de 6

Phrases that destroy children’s self-esteem

Posted on 11/10/2021 - 15:02 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

Self-esteem is the opinion that children have of themselves, but how is it formed? Where does it come from? The answer is simple. It comes from the exchanges of affection they have with their close references: mom, dad, family, friends, etc.

Everything you say to your child will influence him. And just as there are words of encouragement that comfort, there are also phrases that destroy that self-worth.

According to the book, Consejos de oro para mejorar la autoestima en los niños (Golden Tips for Improving Self-Esteem in Children), by Más Editores, self-esteem is a self-assessment that entails, on the one hand, a learned judgment (it is not inherent to the child, it is picked up from somewhere) and on the other, it implies a strong negative or positive feeling.

“High self-esteem is related to positive feelings such as pleasure, confidence, joy, enthusiasm, and interest. Negative self-esteem involves pain, sadness, inertia, guilt, shame or feeling empty”, says the book.

The influence of parents on children

There is a close relationship between parents and children’s self-esteem. “In the first years of life, information about oneself is received almost exclusively from parents. Over the years, other significant figures are incorporated, such as teachers, schoolmates and friends”, explain Jael Vargas and Laura Oros in their research Parentalidad y autoestima en hijos (Parenting and Self-esteem in children).

The more positive the family relationship is, the higher the children’s self-esteem tends to be. On the contrary, negative experiences at home contribute to an inadequate self-definition.

It is not only the physical mistreat

It is not only the physical mistreat, abuse or abandonment, but also the psychological one, the phrases that you say over and over again to the children, until they believe them.

Don’t miss: Why you should stop shouting to your kids when you tell them off?

10 types of phrases that destroy children’s self-esteem

Parents often repeat these words without being aware of the damage they can cause to their children.

But the worst thing is that there is a risk that they become core beliefs that are “tattooed” in the mind. In the long run, the child (and the adult he becomes) clings to the destructive idea, despite evidence to the contrary.

1. Phrases that promote disability

You can’t do anything right.
I don’t know when you’re going to learn.
You suck.
I’d better do it, I am already desperated.

The core belief that is taught is ineptitude.

The child thinks it so strongly that he acts accordingly. Instead of working to increase his ability, it unconsciously tries to show that he really “can’t do anything right”.

Positive Alternative: We all have abilities and limitations. With patience and practice you can do anything. Let’s work together until you achieve it.

2. Phrases that put a label

You’re a liar.
You are fat.
You are a mess.
You’re a wimp.

Labels highlight the “negative” characteristics of children and cause them to develop feelings of inferiority, besides generating identity problems.

The core belief that is promoted is that, “You are full of flaws”.

Positive alternative: If what you say does not match what you do, it will be difficult for me to trust your word. /You are normal, with strengths and weaknesses. If you want to change something, I can help you. / It’s okay to cry, it helps you calm down.

3. Phrases that humiliate

Shut up, don’t talk nonsense.
Are you a fool or just pretending to be one?
You are old enough to stop wetting the bed.
You look ridiculous in that.
I’m going to spank you in front of your friends.
You embarrass me.

When the kid’s opinion is belittled, he is denigrated, his difficulty is evidenced or he is even exposed in public, we are talking about humiliation. The psychological effects of shame and humiliation include decreased self-esteem and in his sense of dignity.

Make corrections in private, never in front of other children or adults.

Positive alternative: I’ll explain it better, don’t worry. / It is not easy to learn to use the bathroom, sometimes accidents happen. You will achieve. / Do you feel comfortable with what you are wearing? Ok! It is up to you.

We recommend: Household chores that children should do according to their age

4. Phrases that cause guilt

You are making me sick.
Do you see the trouble you are making?
You’re going to drive me crazy.
If you leave, I will be very sad.
I´ll have a heart attack because of you.

This is, plain and simple, blackmailing.

Blaming children for situations beyond their control makes them believe that they are responsible, when you know very well that it is a lie. Passing blame on them can cause great anxiety.

Positive alternative: Let’s both calm down. / Adult problems are not your fault. /When you’re not here I miss you, but I know you’ll be fine. If you have any concerns, call me, you can trust me.

Don’t miss: Working mothers: between guilt and the desire for professional development

5. Phrases that condition love

Not now, I’m busy.
Move away, get off my back.
Go away, I don’t want to see you.
Go away, I don’t love you anymore.

If you reject your child when he wants to express his affection, you are sending him a very destructive message: he does not deserve to be loved. He will not feel safe, loved and accepted.

The consequence of this idea will affect their relationships in the future.

Positive alternative: You are the most important thing to me, but right now I have to solve something urgent. Give me a few minutes and I’m with you. / I love you, you can be sure of that.

6. Phrases that compare the child

Why aren’t you as smart as my friend’s son?
At your age, your sibling was doing much better.
I wish you were like your cousin.
Learn how John Doe does.

Through comparisons only jealousy, resentment and rivalry are created. The child perceives the other as an unattainable model and will have the belief that he must be different to be loved.

Problems of identity and acceptance are generated. He will not know who he is and will try to imitate others.

Positive alternative: You’re good, we’re going to keep pushing. I will help you. / It’s not a competition, everyone has his place.

We recommend: Why you should stop shouting to your kids when you tell them off?

7. Phrases that threaten

If you don’t do this, I’m going to punish you.
You’d better come here immediately.
I’m going to leave you alone, I’ve had enough.
If you misbehave, Santa will not bring any presents to you.

Threats are based on fear and erode children’s trust in their parents. We are teaching them that it is good to use intimidation to get things.

Furthermore, if that threat is not followed through, we lose credibility and send the signal that their actions are inconsequential.

When the threat is abandonment (leaving kids alone) feelings of dependency are generated.

Positive alternative: Every act has a consequence, if you do not fulfill your responsibility, you will have to assume it (fulfill that consequence).

8. Phrases that seek perfection.

A B is not a good grade, it means you didn’t study enough.
Grades below A are not worth it.
You should always get straight As.

It is good to instill discipline and effort, but not to the point of demanding perfection. The reason? You create high expectations that are difficult to achieve, as well as chronic dissatisfaction.

You teach them that they must judge themselves permanently.

In the future they will give a lot of thought to the possible mistakes they make, no matter how small. They will have a continual need for recognition, a low tolerance for change, a need for control, and difficulty at making decisions.

Positive alternative: You tried very hard and that’s what’s important! / If you can give more, go ahead.

It may interest you: Household chores that children should do according to their age

9. Phrases that predict failure

You are lazy, so you will achieve nothing in life.
You’ll never succeed.
You will always be a failure.
If you don’t study, you will be an ignorant.

The intention of the parents is that the children realize that they will regret it if they do not get good grades or make the wrong decisions.

However, far from leading to positive reactions, it causes frustration, disinterest and anger, because they think that their parents do not believe in them.

Positive alternative: I know you can do better / People who study have more tools to be successful. You have a lot of capacity.

10. Phrases of hate or verbal aggression

Despicable you.
Son of a…
I hate you.
I wish you had never been born.
I’m sick of you.
You are a nuisance.

The verbal abuse that some parents use in the upbringing of their children is the worst of all. It generates emotional and psychological damage imperceptible to the eye, but with deep traces.

With these harsh words, the child is stripped of self-confidence, courage and ability to react.

The insults are so hurtful that they paralyze many times throughout life.

Positive alternative: I love you.

THE LOVE OF A FATHER OR A MOTHER SHOULD BE UNCONDITIONAL

You know it, the love we feel for our children is that kind of love that comes from the depths of our guts and seeks the best for them.

Many times we make the mistake of saying one of these phrases due to ignorance, trying to forge the character of children or simply because of stress. Do not make mistakes.

Words hurt and very deeply. Before saying something you will regret, breathe, calm down and try to find a way to better explain what you want without damaging your children’s self-esteem.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version: Here

Other interesting topics:

5 responsibilities of a father during pregnancy

A father who takes care of his baby does not “help”, he exercises his paternity

The 15 most popular songs by Francisco Gabilondo Soler “Cri-Cri”

Posted on 07/10/2021 - 11:49 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

Who is there? It’s Cri-Cri, it’s Cri-Cri. And who is this man? The Singing Cricket. Francisco Gabilondo Soler, “Cri-Cri”, is the greatest composer of children’s songs in Mexico. His music crosses the barrier of time and space. He is appreciated by many generations, especially in Latin America.

Francisco Gabilondo: A curious and self-taught boy

Cri-Cri was born on October 6, 1907 in Orizaba, Veracruz. According to the Society of Authors and Composers of Mexico, from a young age he showed interest in learning and studying, but he did not like going to school, “he preferred the whispers in the forest, to the annoying noise of his classmates”.

In his childhood he loved learning languages and new words. He “devoured” books and loved to imitate “voices” of nature: the song of water, the sound of insects, of the air… He had a privileged hearing. His grandmother’s chatter and the music she played for him on the piano were transformed in his mind into new melodies. Methodical and self-taught, he became interested in various areas of knowledge. At age 17 he traveled to New Orleans where he was captivated by the jazz movement, so he decided to learn music formally.

Cri-Cri’s first fantasy songs

He began his career playing in bars and composed his first songs in 1930. Emilio Azcárraga Vidaurreta gave him a chance on the radio after noticing that children paid attention and liked listening to his songs. This was the beginning because on October 15 of the same year he wrote and performed, only with his voice and his piano, El chorrito, Bombón I and El ropero. He never imagined his songs would be successful, but his show stayed on the air for 20 years.

Francisco Gabilondo Soler has become an idol. His repertoire includes 226 compositions, 120 were recorded. He created more than 500 characters, wrote more than 3,500 pages of texts and stories. Walt Disney tried to collaborate with him and buy the rights to his songs on many occasions, but he always refused. Cri-Cri died on December 15, 1990 in his ranch in the State of Mexico.

All Mexicans have grown up with his songs and our children will, too. That is why we suggest 15 of his most popular, so that your little ones can delight in his music, just as you did.

15 popular songs by “Grillito Cantor”

This is a list with 10 emblematic songs of the great Francisco Gabilondo Soler “Cri-Cri”.

1. The Little Duck (La Patita)

The Cowboy Mouse (El Ratón Vaquero)

3. The Water Trickle (El Chorrito)

4. The Wardrobe (El ropero)

5. The March of Letters (La marcha de las letras)

Walking to School (Caminito de la escuela)

7. The Ugly Doll (La muñeca fea)

8. Cucurumbé, the Black Girl (La negrita Cucurumbé)

9. Eyelashes John (Juan Pestañas)

10. The Pot and the Skillet (La olla y el comal)

11. The Puppy (El perrito)

12. Sleepy Pigs (Cochinitos dormilones)

13. Rainy Afternoon (Tarde de lluvia)

14. Che Spider (Ché Araña)

15. Black Dancer (Negrito bailarín)

And there are so many missing… Which one is your favorite?

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version: Here

Benefits for your children of having a pet

Posted on 05/10/2021 - 13:51 by Ligia Oliver

Psychologically and physically, having a pet has great benefits for children. They provide company, security and self-esteem. They help foster empathy, coexistence and also give a great motivation for little ones to exercise. “Yes, there is a lot of advantage for children to have a pet, because humans are social animals and having a pet with us helps us maintain that process”, says Dr. Fausto Reyes Delgado, Veterinarian Zootechnician and director of the Veterinary Hospital UNAM-Banfield.

6 benefits of having a pet

1. Pets help improve communication

According to Dr. Reyes Delgado, children who have pets tend to be more sociable, “A pet helps a lot in terms of communication and affection. It allows us to communicate better, to be more open and to express ourselves much more easily”.

Research suggests that when children have difficulty at reading aloud, with the help of animal therapy, a trained dog and a guide, they show fewer symptoms of anxiety and improve their communication. “Their attitudes change and their skills improve”, says Lisa Freeman, director of the Tufts Institute for Human-Animal Interaction.

Don’t miss: My child wants a pet, what do I do?

2. They provide self-esteem

Psychologists from the University of Miami and the University of San Luis indicate that pets provide emotional benefits compared to those of human friendship.

“We saw evidence that pet owners did better, in terms of wellness outcomes and individual differences, than those without companion animals”, said the researcher leader Allen R. McConnell, PhD, of the University from Miami in Ohio.

The expert adds, “Specifically, pet owners had higher self-esteem, were in better physical shape, tended to be less lonely, were more conscientious, more outgoing, less fearful, and were less worried than non-owners”.

We recommend: 10 family movies that teach love and respect for animals

3. Pets help reduce stress

Taking care and playing with a pet is a recreational activity that keeps children focused on the present, enjoying it.

According to the study, Effect of Domestic Dogs on Children’s Perceived Stress, by Darlene A. Kertes, a psychologist at the University of Florida, companion dogs have a buffering effect on childhood stress. In her study, Kertes and her team looked at the effects of dogs on children who had their support figure (father or mother) not present.

Results indicated that under the condition of being alone (without social support), children showed an expected increase in stress, but the presence of a pet dog significantly dampened the stress response, compared with children without the presence of a pet.

4. They provide security, empathy and confidence

In the article, Pets and children, published by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, it is explained that pets help children develop positive and empathic thoughts towards them, but they also have benefits related to their security.

“Pets can be safe recipients of secrets and thoughts. Children often talk to them like they do to their stuffed animals. They also provide a connection with nature and can teach respect to other living beings”, reads the AACAP document.

5. They encourage physical activity

According to the AACAP, pets also fulfill other needs such as comfort touch, love, loyalty and even physical activity.

When children play with their pets, they forget about screens and get more exercise. If they have a dog, that motivates them to take it for a walk in the park and run alongside it. They exercise, have fun, and don’t even realize they’re burning calories.

You can read: What are babies born in the Year of the Tiger like?

6. They help develop psychomotor processes

Doctor Fausto Reyes Delgado adds that pets also help children, especially younger ones, develop psychomotor processes, “Especially fine movement such as loosing or grasping”.

With proper adult advice, a pet can be the best company for the child. However, it is very important that before taking an animal home, seek advice from a veterinarian to find out if it is suitable for you or what type of pet you can have.

In this article we give you more information about it, just remember that a living being is a great joy but it also implies a lot of responsibility.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version: Here

Other interesting topics:

5 positive strategies to manage children’s anger

Test: Are you intuitive, or not?

My child wants a pet, what do I do?

Posted on 29/09/2021 - 17:10 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

If you have children, you have surely faced (or will face) the request for a pet. Most children dream of a puppy or a kitten, and at first glance, it seems like a good idea. Baby animals are charming, the ideal image of love. However, if the great responsibility that it implies is not clear, it can cause great problems in the house and, worse still, many end up abandoned on the street a few months later.

Responsibility does NOT belong to the children

According to Dr. Fausto Reyes Delgado, Zootechnician Veterinary Doctor and director of the UNAM-Banfield Veterinary Hospital, there are advantages for children to have a pet, “humans are group animals”, he says, but there is a huge problem when people give children a living being.

“There are many people who think that it is good for children to have a dog so that they learn to be responsible, but the ones who have to be responsible are the adults, not the child.

The child has to play, he has to learn. It is the adult who has to educate the child on the care of his pet and mark how far he can and how far he cannot interact with it. If we don’t have those rules, if we don’t set those limits, we unfortunately see a lot of accidents where pets get seriously hurt”, he adds.

Do not miss: Household chores that children should do according to their age

Does your child want a pet? Visit the vet first!

Before incorporating a pet into the family, it is very important to visit the veterinarian. The specialist will guide you on which is the most appropriate animal according to the future owner’s economic and social capacities and time for it.

“Ideally, before a kid has a pet, both the child and the adult visit the veterinarian. That is something that usually fails”. What almost always happens is that the child wants a pet, the parents take it home and then go to the vet, but when they already have it.

We recommend you: Phrases that destroy children’s self-esteem

Not everyone is fit to have a pet

According to the UNAM veterinarian, the most serious problem that implies a great risk is that not all people are suitable to have a pet, they are not clear about the responsibility and commitment that another life means.

From the basic action of providing it with food two or three times a day, as the case may be, to providing it with attention, bathing it, giving it affection and investing in its health. Veterinary doctors ask five questions when families are thinking about getting a pet:

What do I want it for?
How much time am I going to spend on it?
Do I have space at home?
How much do I plan to spend?
Who is he going to live with?

“When you answer this questionnaire with the help of the expert, you will be able to identify if you can really have a pet. 50% of dogs and cats are in houses not because they are loved, wanted or well-cared, but for custom”, adds the expert.

It doesn’t have to be a dog or a cat

According to Dr. Fausto Reyes, dogs and cats are almost always the first options, but when you analyze the questions well, you realize that other types of animals, such as fish or a hamster that might be more convenient for you.

Opting for a dog? The specialist will also help you determine which one is best for your family. “If you want to have a dog, go ahead, but you have to pick the right one; if it gets along with children.

You have to analyze it before, but unfortunately it’s almost always the other way around.

Then you realize that the parents work all day, there is another person who looks after the children, but they don’t like dogs. Can you imagine the atmosphere?”, asks the director of the UNAM-Banfield Veterinary Hospital.

AN AGREED DECISION

A pet is a permanent commitment, so the decision must be consensual and involve all family members. If one does not agree, it is better not bringing an animal home.

Also remember that they will not be puppies forever. Many times as they grow, pets lose the attention of their owners, especially when it comes to tasks such walking or cleaning it. These are demanding tasks that must be considered. In addition to the above, there are many costs associated with having a pet, not just food and visits to the vet, when they get sick they may require surgery or hospitalization.

Having a pet is procuring another member of the family, a companion for many years; it has enormous emotional and social benefits for children, but it also involves a lot of work. Talk to your family, get advice from your trusted vet and make the decision responsibly.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

Other interesting topics:

Why you should stop shouting to your kids when you tell them off?

How to recognize if your kid is “High Demanding”

HELP, my kid swears!

7 snack ideas for kids: healthy and cheap!

Posted on 20/09/2021 - 12:14 by Ligia Oliver

The time between breakfast and lunch is very long, so our little ones need a healthy snack that provides energy to both the brain and the body so that they can achieve all the functions of their physical development and learning. Whether they are in-site classes or online, it is very important that your children have a snack. Take into account some recommendations:

A snack is a light meal, not a main meal, so it should have fewer calories and be smaller than a normal meal.
The snack does not replace breakfast. Children should have breakfast daily, and eat it during the first two hours after waking up.
This snack must consist of four axes: Natural water. A portion of fruit and vegetables, food of animal origin, oilseeds or legumes. A serving of cereal.
We suggest the following meal schedule: Breakfast 7:00 a.m. Snack 10:30 a.m. Lunch 15:00 p.m. Dinner from 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.

7 healthy snack ideas for children

Preparing these snacks will also mean savings in your pocket; each one has an approximate cost of 13 pesos per person compared to the bought ones that can cost around 20 or 30 pesos. These are the suggestions given by the Ministry of Health:

Healthy menu 1

Taquitos of jicama lettuce and grated carrot with panela cheese (3 pieces of lettuce, ½ cup of vegetables and a slice of cheese).
1 cup of papaya cut in pieces.
1 cup of homemade popcorn.
This menu has an approximate cost of 13 pesos per person.

Snack idea 2

Nopal (prickly pear stems) cooked with panela cheese (½ cup of nopales and a slice of panela cheese).
4 whole grain crackers.
1 orange.
This menu has a cost of 15 pesos per person.

Kid snack 3

Fruit with yogurt and sesame seeds (1 cup of papaya with 4 teaspoons sesame seeds and a half cup of sugar free yogurt).
½ cup grated carrot.
14 pieces of natural unseasoned peanuts.
This recommendation has a cost of 15 pesos per person.

Healthy lunch for children 4

Beans and tortilla shells (mashed beans with 3 corn shells).
Cooked nopales salad (1 cup).
2 prickly pears.
This preparation costs 18 pesos per person.

Menu 5

Quesadilla: corn tortilla and panela cheese (1 pc)
1 cup of apple cut in small pieces.
½ tcup of jícama
14 pieces of natural unseasoned peanuts.
It has a cost of 20 pesos per person.

Snack idea for kids # 6

1 medium size fruit cut in small pieces (or ½ cup of fruit cut in small pieces).
100 grams of vegetables.
½ sandwich with a slice of bread with cheese, turkey ham or some other protein such as tuna.
Water (avoid the consumption of sugary drinks or soft drinks).
Cost: 20 pesos.

Snack #7 for your little ones

1 boiled egg.
100 grams of raw carrot sticks.
1 tangerine.
14 pieces of almonds.
Water.
Cost: 25 pesos.

Remember that cravings prevent children from concentrating on their tasks, reduce physical performance and capacity to learn.

This is a guide issued by the IMSS for the correct nutrition of children and adolescents. It might be useful.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version: Here

Other interesting topics:

Perfectly imperfect, don’t pretend you can do it all!

Why you should NOT use time-out to correct children

This article contains information from The-List. Check it here.

How to be patient with children

Posted on 15/09/2021 - 15:10 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

Patience is a virtue, but it is not easy to develop.

It is linked to:

A mature, educated and humane personality.
Know how to listen, speak and be careful of each of the actions and decisions we make.
And to have a balanced mind to see things clearly and in the future.

It’s hard for all of us, but if you’re a mom, it’s definitely harder. How to be patient with children? Why do we lose it so often?

Patience with children

The act of being patient means to be perseverant in relation to something. In the case of raising our children, it is to be aware that it is a daily process, with many ups and downs.

Along with patience, other virtues such as peace, calm, tolerance and prudence are developed.

According to Alejandra Velasco, parenting expert, workshop facilitator and author of the book Ayuda, tengo hijos, for a person (especially a mother) to be patient with her children, it is essential that she has “fuel”, energy, that she is not at the limit in other life situations.

“How to be patient with children? To answer that question, I would first ask to that mother, ‘How do you feel?’ If you lose patience with your children, it is very likely that you are physically exhausted. If you had worked all day, and when you get home at night you still have to do homework with your children, logically, it would cost you much more work to be patient!”

“In these times women have acquired many more responsibilities. If you have little fuel, you are not sleeping well, you are full of activities… and now with the pandemic many moms are 24/7 with their children… How are you, mom? If you have problems with your partner, you lost your job, you have no money, or you depend economically on someone else, all of these burdens make you more desperate”, explains the expert.

Do not miss: Household chores that children should do according to their age

Be delightfully imperfect

For Velasco, the key to not losing patience is to be deliciously imperfect, that is, not trying to cover many activities and not wanting to control everything. We must do our best, but accept that we have limits.

“It happens that we want to be the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect friend, the perfect daughter. That search is exhausting and counterproductive. I kindly tell you, that if you want to be perfect, everything will go wrong”.

Before wanting to be an A+ woman, mother and wife, with A+ children, give yourself permission to be imperfect: “What would you think if you start being a B- and work little by little? It is okay to want to improve, but if you demand too much of yourself, you submit your body to unnecessary stress and drag your family into that neurosis. After a while your neck hurts, you have an anxiety crisis. Better inhale peace, exhale stress”.

You can read: Why you should stop shouting to your kids when you tell them off?

Fill your fuel tank

“Before applying any strategy with your children, you must fill your “tank” with energy and tolerance. How do you fill it? Doing things for you. Many moms ask me, ‘How am I going to have time with four children?’ Well, create routines! From an early age, make your children responsible for themselves! Share responsibilities with your partner!”, explains the also author of the book, Por favor, no me griten, por las buenas sí hago caso (Please, don´t shout at me, I will listen).

Some tips that can help you to fill the tank and be deliciously imperfect are:

Create routines

It is essential for children and, believe it or not, they love and need routine, it tells them the way to go. If you schedule that they are going to do homework at a certain time, get them down to work at that time without excuse. If you agree that they would go to sleep at 9, start at 7:30 with the routine of having dinner, taking a bath, and finally put them to bed. “Stay on track”, says Ale Velasco.

It may interest you: How to recognize if your kid is “High Demanding”

Make them accountable

Children have to assume their responsibilities.

“Be imperfect. Once I told a doctor, ‘My teenage son doesn’t tidy up his room!’ Well, close the door of the room and let him assume he is like that. We have this Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and if they don’t arrange the toilet paper the way we want, we get angry”. Just relax!

Your partner must cooperate

Carrying a load for just one person is not the same as sharing it between two. The responsibility of the children is of two; the chores of the house is responsibility of all those who live in it.

“Come to agreements. In my workshops I have a challenge called Fly where I ask the participants to first seek to be women and then mothers. When you’re happy as a woman, you’re going to reproduce it as a mom. If you are angry with your partner, you will transmit your frustrations. You have to set limits”.

Be imperfect

Many moms have trouble dealing with challenging children, but before that, the expert emphasizes, be imperfect.

“If they don’t want to sleep, turn off the light and leave him alone, that’s it! Get out of your room and he can poke his eyes if he is not sleepy, that’s his problem. If, for example, the drawing he is doing doesn’t turn out well or he doesn’t want to do the homework, leave him alone, it’s his homework, not yours. If he does not turn it in, he will have his consequence at school, or you highlight the consequence at home, but leave him, do not be after him. Set him free!”

Don’t mistake patience with negligence

Don’t go to the other extreme either. Do not confuse being patient with being indifferent, passive and even negligent, that is an extreme in which we do not want to fall as mothers.

Rather, it is about facing things with serenity, facing difficulties calmly, optimistically, always looking for the best solution.

Finally, don’t take time for mom for granted, start with minutes and increase it as needed.

“Make the T sign with your hands and tell your children, ‘Stop, it’s mom’s time, I don’t want to be interrupted in these following minutes.’ Start with five minutes, in that period no one can enter your space. You can even set a timer. This helps them accept and see that respect is a great value and that you also have your own things to do”, concludes Velasco.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

Other interesting topics: What are babies born in the Year of the Tiger like?

My baby only wants to be with me

10 books to turn your girls into powerful women

Posted on 10/09/2021 - 17:35 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

A good book is a wise voice that remains in your life; it is a dream machine capable of transporting you to other times, it is food for the soul and the imagination.

For girls and boys, they represent a great tool to face the world; it is a shield to defend your ideals and motivation to go ahead.

This time we bring you a list of 10 books to turn your girls into super powerful women.

10 books to empower your girls

1. Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls

Author: Elena Favilli Publisher: Planeta México

From the first volume, this book became a source of inspiration for thousands of girls. This is not a book about princesses, but about real women who broke paradigms. From Frida Kahlo to Jane Goodall, from Coco Chanel to Nina Simone, from the Brontë sisters to Marie Curie.

All their stories told as a tale and with extraordinary illustrations. The second volume includes Nefertiti, Beyoncé, Rosalind Franklin, J. K. Rowling and even the Mexican golfer Lorena Ochoa, among others.

There is also a Goodnight Story with 100 Migrant Women Who Changed the World, 100 Extraordinary Mexicans, and a Goodnight Story of Fun and Adventure. All are excellent.

Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls. 100 stories of extraordinary women.
Elena Favilli | Francesca Cavallo — 100 stories of extraordinary women. Photo: Planeta

Don’t miss: 6 Books for new fathers

2. Women (Mujeres)

Author: Isabel Ruiz Ruiz Publisher: Ilustropos

Women is an illustrated album that contains poets, painters, scientists, politicians… There are 18 real women who must occupy an important place in history.

In addition to the illustrations, it shares quotes that tell us about their way of facing the world.

Some of the women who appear in the book are Maria Montessori, Dian Fossey, Irena Sendler, among many others.

A book by Isabel Ruiz Ruiz, Spanish illustrator and director of audiovisual photography. Photo: Ilustropos

You may be interested: Moms and dads recommend you what to do and where to go with kids

3. Beautiful (Bonitas)

Author: Stacy McAnulty and Joanne Lew-Vriethoff Publisher: Astronave

Every girl is unique, witty and adorable. Beauty is not on the outside but in meeting challenges, showing kindness and spreading laughter.

This album has beautiful illustrations, but if you think it’s a traditional story, you’re wrong, rather it’s a book that plays with irony and stereotyped phrases about women.

In Beautiful, the authors encourage girls to do what they like and develop their potential.

Pretty girls are smart, strong, empowered… The phrase on the back cover is blunt: “The important thing is… be who you really are”.

Children's album with girl power. It teaches that every girl is unique, resourceful, and lovable. Photo: Astronave — Children’s album with *girl power*. It teaches that every girl is unique, resourceful, and lovable. Photo: Astronave

You can read: Reasons to skate

4. Butterfly Ears (Orejas de mariposa)

Author: Luisa Aguilar Publisher: Kalandraka Publisher

Having big ears, unruly hair, being tall or short, skinny or chubby… Any feature can be a source of parody among children, so they would need a book to help them understand that this is not right.

This is an illustrated album that addresses two very important topics: how to develop self-esteem and how to face criticism, sometimes cruel, with humor and ingenuity.

Many bullies will continue to insist: four eyes, mop hair, tablecloth dress, but it’s up to you to be yourself, value yourself and not allow anyone to abuse you.

Intelligent story that addresses emotional development and children's self-esteem. Photo: Kalandraka Editor — Intelligent story that addresses emotional development and children’s self-esteem. Photo: Kalandraka Editor

5. Marlène Baleine (Malena Ballena)

Authors: Davide Cali and Sonja Bougaeva Publisher: Libros del zorro rojo

Malena is the laughingstock of the girls in her swimming class. She is fat and every time she plunges in the pool, she makes a huge wave, she is called Whale.

One day, the teacher whispers in her ear a trick to overcome her complex: just think the other way around! Instead of a whale, she thinks “barracuda” and starts swimming like a fish.

Malena manages to understand her own insecurities and the imposed ones. Through self-suggestion and humor (not taking things seriously), she manages to get over it, and that becomes a real therapy.

With faith and confidence in yourself, you will see that it is not so difficult to achieve what you set out to do, leaving those who make fun of others open-mouthed.

Many voices shouted, “Malena is a whale!” But she took the criticism and turned it into fuel to keep going. Photo: Libros del Zorro Rojo Infantil

6. Princesses Fart, Too (Las princesas también se tiran pedos)

Author: Ilan Brenman Publisher: Algar

Little Laura has a very important question: do princesses fart? Fortunately, her father has the secret book of the princesses with all the answers to her questions.

This book is perfect for demystifying the figure of princesses: perfect, fragile, always acting with good manners. Well, it’s time to reveal their secrets, including her stomach problems and flatulence.

Father and daughter crush one by one the supposed “perfection” of the princesses.

For example, Cinderella did not run out of the ball because she heard the clock strike 12, but because the prince squeezed her so hard that she farted. Oh, and the bubbles in the water that accompanied the Little Mermaid were not exactly caused by algae.

"Laura's father took the secret book of the princesses and told his daughter something that no one knew". Photo: Algar — “Laura’s father took the secret book of the princesses and told his daughter something that no one knew”. Photo: Algar

7. When Girls Fly High (Cuando las niñas vuelan alto)

Author: Raquel Diaz Reguera Publisher: Beascoa/Lumen

The three girls have big dreams, but the villains of the Youwillnotgetit (Noloconseguiras) gang fill the girls’ backpacks, shoes and pockets with stones to prevent them from taking off.

The protagonists of this story represent all the girls in the world who daily encounter obstacles to achieve their goals.

It seems that their dreams are impossible, but with joy, ingenuity and courage they manage to get rid of the heavy stones. The message in this story is beautiful: it is in your hands to fight to get the stones out of your backpack.

Jimena, Adriana and Martina love to run around their rooms as if they were small planes, but a mob tries to keep them from flying. Photo: Lumen

You’ll like: 10 educational YouTube channels for kids

8. Princess Li

Author: Elena Rendeiro Publisher: Egales

Princess Li lived with her father, King Wan Tan, in a beautiful palace… She loved Beatrix, a girl from a distant land. The two were very happy until Wan Tan sent for the princess: it was the time for her to marry a young man of the court.

It is a classic children’s story, but also a beautiful love story. It talks about sexual diversity and interculturality.

Can you love someone who comes from another culture? Can you be happy with someone of the same sex?

The king tries to force the princess to separate from her beloved; he visits a sorcerer who turns her into a bird and betrays him out of ambition for the throne. He will finally be saved by someone he didn’t expect.

Princess Li lived with her father, King Wan Tan, in a beautiful palace... She loved Beatrix, a girl from a distant land. Photo Egales — Princess Li lived with her father, King Wan Tan, in a beautiful palace… She loved Beatrix, a girl from a distant land. Photo Egales

9. I am a girl!

Author: Yasmeen Ismail Publisher: Cartoné

The girl in this story is constantly being mistaken for a boy. While she drinks a soda, she plays with her straw. She unfortunately spills the soda on the table. She hears the waitress sigh, “Definitely, boys are unruly and messy”.

“But I’m a girl!” she says. A girl who likes to go full speed on her skateboard, jump in the pool, play the trumpet, make noise and jump everywhere. A girl who loves both playing with dolls and running a race and winning it. She is a girl, and no one should tell her otherwise!

This is an illustrated album full of color and joy. The protagonist is fed up with prejudice and sexism in society.

She is young but she realizes that others expect her to be sweet, tender and delicate just because she is a girl. She is proud of being a girl, a rebellious, cheeky, brave, and spontaneous girl.

She is a girl and loves to play and make noise, but also to read, play musical instruments, compete and win. She is a girl and she is happy to be one.

The girl in this story is constantly being mistaken for a boy. Photo: Editorial Cartoné

10. The Paper Bag Princess

Authors: Robert Munsch and Michael Martchenko Publisher: Annick Press

Elizabeth is a typical fairytale princess, she is engaged to a handsome prince and soon they will be married.

But one day, a dragon comes to the palace and burns it to the ground. In the fire she loses all of her belongings, including her princess dresses.

The worst is not that, but the dragon has kidnapped her beloved prince. Armed with courage, Elizabeth goes in search of him to rescue him. Along the way she realizes that the prince is not as charming as she thought.

This is a story that tears down stereotypes and shows us a princess whose role is not to wait to be rescued, she takes the initiative, she goes to save the prince and along the way she realizes that there are a thousand more adventures to live.

She realizes that it's better to be a smart princess than a pretty princess. Photo: Annick Press — She realizes that it’s better to be a smart princess than a pretty princess. Photo: Annick Press

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

Other themes: Jealousy among siblings

Anahí: When mom is sad

Raising without myths, a guide to a more informed parenting without so many worries

Posted on 08/09/2021 - 15:29 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

Raising without myths: It seems that being a mother is a synonym of worries, but this, like many other false beliefs that exist around parenting and how to care a baby, is a lie.

That is why Emily Oster, an economist by profession and mother of two, wrote the book Criar sin mitos (Parenting without Myths) approaching with data and scientific evidence, the doubts that parents have:

“To help them feel more informed and less likely to google answers”, says the author.

We chatted with Emily Oster about her book, which is a guide that all moms and dads should have at their bedsides. In the end you will understand that everything will be fine, stop worrying!

Life changes and you have to adapt

The birth of a baby not only turns the life of the parents upside down, but also of the whole family.

At first it can be very difficult, “My first year as a mom was especially hard. With both my kids, I have had times when I wanted to give up for different reasons, but with my first girl I felt sad. I love my daughter very much, but I missed my old life”.

“With my second child I felt better, but I was feeling sad because I didn’t want to lose the closeness I already had with my first daughter, who at that time was already four years old”.

“I think the main challenge was how to manage my time and identify what part of what people say about motherhood was a lie, what I should repeat with my second baby and what not”, explains the author.

Instead of sticking with “what people say”

Emily decided to dig deep and document every major decision she had to make as a mom. From how to take care of a baby the first days, to topics such as breastfeeding, vaccinations, bedtimes, choosing a daycare, or going back to work.

“When I got pregnant I didn’t realize how everything around me would change. I faced and overcame many challenges, but it was not until the birth of my second child that I understood the things that I had done well and those that I had not, my mistakes and successes. Then came the book”.

We recommend: Teaching two or more languages to your child has its advantages.

Parenting without Myths or any additional stress

While being a mom and dad does come with a lot of anxiety and worry, you don’t have to add to the stress with unsupported sayings and advice.

In the book

The author demolishes myths and puts on the table, based on facts, her sentence, an informed opinion that she hopes will help other parents.

“A myth that I address in the book is everything that people say about breastfeeding. It certainly has benefits, but it is exaggerated. They say it is wonderful, that it will help you lose weight, and it will make your children more intelligent and successful”.

“I tried to identify what was true and what was not. I found that it does have benefits, especially when the baby is very young; for example it helps with his digestion. But not everything that is said is true and I think that magnifying it adds a lot of pressure to moms”, adds Oster.

It may interest you: Family board games: a fun way to grow.

Make decisions based on what makes you happy

One conclusion Oster drew with her book is that parents have the right to make their own decisions and should always focus on what makes them happy.

“When people make important decisions, they think that deciding based on the baby is the only way to go. However, in the book I found that you should also think about yourself as a parent”.

During the research

“For example, during the research, I found that there are not many differences between children whose parents go out to work and those who are at home. That is why I tell you to think about what is best for you as a family, as a whole, what makes you happy”.

Conclusion

Finally, the book leaves us with a reflection that should be clear to us: don’t worry, you’re doing well as a mom and dad. “There are many ways to be a good parent, and you don’t have to do things as someone else says, it’s okay to find your own solutions”, the author concludes.

Criar sin mitos de Emily Oster (Parenting without Myths)

Publisher: Diana / Planeta

Books Review: Any new mom or dad knows that friends, family, doctors and even strangers on the internet give a lot of often contradictory advice about raising a baby.

This is a guide to decipher your baby’s first years.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

What is emotional intelligence and why should you promote it in your children?

Posted on 07/09/2021 - 16:35 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

The first ones to develop the concept of emotional intelligence were the American psychologists Peter Salovey and John D Mayer. In 1990, the authors published an article in which they defined the term as “the ability to accurately perceive, appraise, and express emotion”.

In 1995, New York Times journalist Daniel Goleman published a book that became a world bestseller and put the concept on everyone’s lips. Two years later, in 1997, Mayer and Salovey polished their definition to focus on four emotion-related skills:

Perceiving: The ability to monitor the feelings and emotions of oneself and others.

Understanding: The acquisition of emotional knowledge, identify why emotions are produced, what triggers them and how they are expressed exactly.

Using: The ability to discriminate among feelings and to use this information to guide one’s action and thinking.

Managing: The ability to regulate emotions, self-knowledge and self-control.

Don’t miss: Why you should stop shouting to your kids when you tell them off?

Why is emotional intelligence important?

According to Luz María Peniche Soto, psychoanalyst, author of the book Entender las emociones, una guía para criar hijos sanos y seguros (Understanding Emotions, a Guide for Raising Healthy and Safe Children), people who manage to develop their emotional intelligence “decrease their anxiety, stress, indiscipline and risky behaviors”.

In addition, “they increase their tolerance for frustration, their resilience, and their well-being”.

Luz María Peniche Soto, psychoanalyst

At the beginning of the 21st century, the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) launched emotional learning programs in schools and measured the results before and after the courses.

The conclusion was blunt, it is possible to modify the way in which people process, interpret and manage their emotions.

“Curiously, the countries that continued to promote these programs are well-developed and have a great economic growth, which in some way indicates that emotional intelligence not only has repercussions on mental health, but also on people’s professional and economic success”, explains Luz Maria Peniche.

You would like to read: 11 tips for raising with tenderness

How to Teach Emotional Intelligence to Children

Think of emotional intelligence as being aware of feelings, paying attention to them to adapt to the environment and get benefits for both ourselves and others.

Mayer and Salovey propose a model to identify and work on the four branches of emotional intelligence:

Perception of emotions: Help your children to identify their own emotions and those of others. Not only with words, but also with gestures, postures, tone of voice, behaviors and even art. When they are experiencing an emotion, have them acknowledge it. Ask them what they feel. Have them express the name of the emotion in all its letters. “I’m angry, bored, confused”, “I’m scared, sad”, “I’m happy, excited, intrigued”. Remind them that no emotion is bad and that by identifying it, they can control it.
Understanding emotions: Once children know what they feel, help them analyze the reason for that emotion. That is, what is the relationship between the word that defines what they feel, with what is happening to them. “For example, recognizing that if we feel sadness it is because we had a loss”, says Peniche. This point also includes the ability to recognize changes between emotions. It is possible to go from sadness to anger, from frustration to anger, from joy to tears.
Facilitate thinking: Intense emotions can block our ability to think, so we need to ‘step back’ and calm down a bit to make better decisions. When we are able to make that stop, we can reflect better and solve the factor that catapulted that emotion. The ability to postpone impulses, regulate moods, manage anxiety is also learned. How? Ask your children what they would do if they were someone else, what piece of advice they would give to another person to solve the situation. If they move away, they will find a solution easier.
Manage emotions: When you learn to distance yourself from the emotion, you can have perspective, calm the negative ones and enhance the positive ones without repressing or exaggerating. At this point it is possible to use emotions to guide and improve our behavior. When you use emotions as a stimulus, you facilitate creativity; on the contrary, when you repress them, a depressive state blocks thinking.

Undoubtedly, emotional intelligence is a very interesting topic that we should promote in our little ones.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

Other interesting topics: This happens when you yell at your kids Paedophobia, a world that excludes children 5 children’s books that highlight the value of being different

Children and technology, why you should find a balance

Posted on 02/09/2021 - 17:59 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

Balance instead of banning: give children alternatives so that they naturally limit the use of technology. Do not condemn devices, seek a balance that helps them participate more of the real world. What do you think about the idea?

Children and technology

Since long before the pandemic, children have been immersed in the technological revolution. They were born into a hyper connected world and, after Covid-19, the use of digital platforms became the means of communication, learning and even socialization par excellence.

There is no turning back, digital tools are here to stay, but now it is up to us as parents to teach the new generations to enjoy the world as much as possible, at least as it was before.

Do not miss: Household chores that children should do according to their age

The ban in China

Recently, in China, the authorities decided to prohibit the use of electronic devices to those under 18 years of age, outside the established hours. The restrictions included any devices like smart phones, and online video game companies cannot provide services to minors after hours. Children in that country can only play one hour a day between 8 and 9 at night, Fridays, weekends and holidays. The measure, announced by the National Press and Publication Administration (NPPA), seeks to curb what the authorities call video game addiction. According to the Chinese government, this addiction is guilty of social illnesses, including distracting young people from their school and family responsibilities.

According to the research, Niños en un mundo digital (Children in a Digital World) carried out by UNICEF, the excessive use of digital technology can contribute to depression and anxiety in children. Although prohibition should never be the approach, we do have to give our children alternatives so that they understand by themselves that the world is better seen with their eyes, not though a screen.

It may interest you: Why you should stop yelling at your children to scold them

“Children should be a little hungry, a little cold, and have less technology”

Alejandra Velasco, author of the book Ayuda, tengo hijos (Help, I have children), explains the need for balance in our little ones through a blunt statement: Children should be a little hungry, a little cold and have less technology. “With this, I mean hunger as the desire to do something for themselves. When I was a child, I remember that, for me, the best gift was going on a trip with my family; or if they asked me what I wanted, I had many options, I was hungry to know the world. Now you ask a lot of kids what they want and they say they don’t know”. “Cold means let him struggle a bit. But this is what goes on these days: if his shoes are a little worn, instead of polishing and cleaning them, you say you’ll buy new ones. And the last point is to have less technology, setting limits. Control the hours they watch television or use devices, but giving them alternatives, through consensus”, says the author.

Children require alternatives to technology

According to Velasco, it’s easy for moms to distract their kids with devices. “It’s very easy, really. You have them at home absorbed in the devices; you are tired, or you need to do other things”.

But children are made of imagination, and their creativity must be stimulated. To do this, the parenting expert recommends some measures:

Give them artistic things to do: Whether inside the house or going to lessons (with precaution and hygiene measures), it is important that children explore their artistic side. Painting, crafts, building or even board games (chess, dominoes). “It can be once a week”, adds Velasco.
Children need to play sports: The expert recommends that at least twice a week your little ones do sports or some vigorous physical activity. They have a lot of energy, they need to jump, run, get tired. Exercise will make them feel happy. Don’t miss: What if my partner doesn’t set limits on our children?
Learn to play an instrument: Music is another option. It helps them coordinate their breathing, relax their pulse, learn to concentrate and control their emotions. The power of music puts children in good spirits. Try several instruments or just singing, look for something they like.
Invite them to play: Regardless of Covid-19, we are in a world where children can no longer roam the streets alone safely, as in past generations. However, you can make yourself some time to accompany them.

“For example, after lunch or on the weekend, they will surely want the technology, but give them alternatives. You can tell them to go out and play hide-and-seek or invite them to walk the dog. Set a balance and try to lessen technology. The main point is to reach a middle point in upbringing”.

“It is a constant struggle with the children, but set a timer on it. Kids get into technology and they want to go on and on; there is no end. In the past, we used to go to sleep with a bed time video clip. Now it’s 8, 9, 11… 1 in the morning and there are still cartoons on TV”. They get the iPad and there is always content on YouTube. Remember that you are a mother, and mothers are here to encourage them, not to be permissive with them.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Other interesting topics: All children throw tantrums and it is normal

My baby just wants to be with me

Household chores that children should do according to their age

Posted on 31/08/2021 - 10:57 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

Many parents make the mistake of believing that their children’s only responsibility is school, but it has been shown that when children participate in housework from an early age, they get used to having commitments to fulfill. These are some tasks that children can perform according to their age.

Why it is important that children have household chores according to their age

Julie Lythcott-Haims, from Stanford University, author of the book Cómo criar a un adulto (How to raise an adult), assures that by giving children tasks according to their age we increase their chances of success in life, in addition to promoting their participation in the family and we give them a sense of belonging and social cooperation.

“The largest research in humans ever conducted shows that those who were professionally successful in life did chores as children (or had a part-time job in high school)”.

Why?

Because “doing chores around the house teaches a child work ethics. They learn to roll up their sleeves, to collaborate, to do the things that need to be done, even the unpleasant ones, to contribute to a greater whole. That’s what moves them forward in the workplace”, explains Lythcott, who is also an American educator and speaker. “If they are in charge of some tasks like taking out the garbage or organizing the clothes, the children realize that work is part of life.

If, on the other hand, we have children who do not wash even a dish, it means that someone else does the work, so they do not learn that each of us must contribute to improve the functioning of things”, adds the author.

We recommend you: How to nurture self-esteem in your children

The gradual process of children acquiring responsibility

Fernando Pineda, psychologist and coach, specialist in child education and upbringing, explains that the process of children to acquire responsibility is gradual, “responsible people are not born, they are made. If we want that our kids learn that value, we must promote it in them from a very young age”, explains the expert.

It is not giving the children excessive tasks, nor preventing them from their main job at this stage (playing), you simply have to give them small tasks to promote the value in them. With organization there is time for everything:

“Playing is a fundamental part of the development of any child, but if we only give them time to play, what do you think will happen when they are older and have to spend six hours learning or working?”

“Having no preparation for making an effort is what causes many children to have difficulty doing their homework and paying attention in class. From a very young age, children must be taught that there is time to play and time to study or work; and the faster and better we do our job, the sooner we can enjoy a game or a break”, says Pineda.

It may interest you: What is emotional intelligence and why should you promote it in your children?

Montessori Housework Guide

Dr. Maria Montessori, Italian physician and educator, founder of the pedagogical method and philosophy that bears her name, drew up a list of tasks for children according to her age.

Household chores, said the scientist and pedagogue, help the child enhance the development of his motor, psychomotor and sensory abilities.

But that’s not all, they also favor the child’s autonomy, personality and self-esteem, because you let them know that his help is essential to reach the family goal and that makes them feel important.

According to Dr. Montessori

Young children love order and discipline, which leads them to an active, not submissive obedience. Because of the abysmal difference in physical and intellectual development of a two-year-old child and a seven-year-old, they should not carry out the same tasks, and they should learn them step by step, as in a ladder.

“In theory, children acquire responsibilities in steps according to their stage of development. It is evident that the earlier they start, the easier it will be. But if your child is in his second or third stage of development, do not expect to sow the little seed of responsibility immediately. Do not worry, better late than never”, adds the psychologist Fernando Pineda.

It may be of your interest: My child wets the bed, how do I help him?

List of house chores according to the age of the children

This list of tasks is suggested by Dr. Maria Montessori

2 to 3 years old

“Many people think that it is impossible to promote responsibilities in early childhood, but from the age of one, simple but effective foundations can be established so that later it becomes more natural for the child to help”, says Pineda.

Pick up his toys and put them away in a box
Put dirty clothes in the laundry hamper
•Help clean up when liquid is spilled
Stretch the duvet on his bed
Throw trash away
Dust
Water the plants with a watering can
Put his books away
Eat by himself
Set (simply) the table

Always guide him. At this stage, probably it will be more difficult for you to finish your chores, but that is fine, remember that the objective is not that they really help you, but that they get used to cooperating. Remember that words must be linked to action. If you tell him to pick up his toys, take his little hands or pass the toy to him so he can take it where it belongs.

We suggest: This is how the sleep of our boys and girls evolves.

4 to 6 years old

“In the second stage we can already give more responsibility to the child. I recommend going little by little. Please, don’t give them five chores at once, you have to start one by one; and as in the previous stage, we have to teach them how to do it, then we help them do it and finally we allow them to do their chores alone”, adds the psychologist.

These are the tasks suggested by Dr. Montessori:

Tidy up your room
Wash the dishes
Order the cutlery
Unload the dishwasher
Fold clothes (easy ones)
Set or clean the table
Get dressed by himself
Brush his teeth or wash his face by himself
Feed the pet and fill its water bowl
Help prepare simple meals.
Sweep with a broom adequate to his height
Choose his clothes

“At this stage it is important that, as a mother or father, you organize their work because children love routines and once acquired, they will stick to their routine. Of course, when the routine is to do nothing and be messy, they also stick to it. Using timers or timetables for tasks helps a lot”, adds the expert.

It might interest you: 10 actions to achieve optimal health in our girls and boys

From 7 to 9 years old

Throw the garbage away
Make his bed
Fix salads
Prepare simple meals
Using an alarm clock, get up in the morning independently
Fold his clothes
Prepare his schoolbag
Set the dishwasher
Vacuum the carpet
Mop the floor
Change light bulbs in low lamps

“At this stage, children must also do activities that benefit the other members of the home, not only those that correspond to their personal things or their personal care. This will help move from the natural self-centeredness that children have in the earlier stages”, says the parenting coach.

You can also read: My baby only wants to be with me

Older than 10 years old

Clean and organize a whole bedroom
Wash the dishes
Prepare his food without help
Take care of the garden
Set the washing machine or dryer
Clean the bathroom
Hang out the laundry
Paint a wall
Do the washing up
Iron
Perform simple home repairs
Teach a sibling how to do chores

“In the later stages I also recommend promoting the responsibility of managing and obtaining their own money. Otherwise we are teaching them that parents are a kind of ATM and they only have to stretch their hand to get money”.

“The responsibility of managing money is also acquired gradually. You can give your child an allowance, making it clear that it is neither a prize nor a gift, but rather the positive consequence for helping at home. Giving him a modest and fixed amount is adequate, as long as you don’t give him more if he runs out and teach him to save”.

Psychologist Fernando Pineda

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

Other interesting topics:

Energetic ties between parents and children: the invisible family legacy

Why you should NOT use time-out to correct children

Omicron in children: 5 frequently asked questions

Why you should stop shouting to your kids when you tell them off?

Posted on 17/08/2021 - 12:55 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

‘Baby, pick up your clothes. Sweety, don’t leave your clothes on the floor, take them to your room, please. Pick up your clothes, Johnny’… Your face turns red, your eyes seem to pop out of their sockets, you feel as if you were having a transformation and suddenly you raise your voice to a level you didn’t know you could: I TOLD YOU TO PICK UP YOUR CLOTHES AND YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Does that sound familiar? We, all moms, have experienced a similar situation. You repeat an instruction several times and your patience is over. Shouting seems to be the easiest way to reprimand your children, but let’s analyze the situation. Did you get a real change in their attitude? Perhaps, crying, your kid picked up the clothes, but surely next day (or the next hour) your child will leave a mess again.

Stop being a screaming mom

Shouting doesn’t educate, on the contrary, it damages the bond with your child. Have you noticed its face when it sees you blow up? Yelling is a form of verbal violence, it’s the short way and will bring you counterproductive results.

No, you won’t look authoritarian, nor will you get them to “obey” out of fear. Rather, you’ll let them know that you lose control and shows you weak, out of yourself. When we scream, we wake up in kids their natural alarm signal and they get defensive, expecting danger.

The Journal of Child Development published a research that shows that screaming to children produces on them similar results as physical punishment: screaming causes the release of high amounts of cortisol into children’s brain, which produces anxiety, stress and depression, increasing behavior problems.

“When you yell to a child to tell him off, you’re generating a negative impact in its brain. A child does not know what’s the reason you are yelling for, doesn’t get if that’s good or bad and causes in it an anxious and retractive situation”, says the president of the Mexican Council of Neurology (Consejo Mexicano de Neurología), Dr. Edith Alva Moncayo.

At the beginning, they’ll be afraid, and then they’ll feel insecure with their role models: their parents. “If shouting is used as a habitual method, is possible that children could become shy, introverted and, in the future, with a persistent depressive state, adds the specialist.

You may be interested in: Why do children throw tantrums?

Shouting at children causes them to be alert, expecting danger, which generates stress and anxiety. Picture: Pixabay

They get used to hear you screaming and end up ignoring you

Children finally get used to shouts and their ability to respond at them, decreases. You’ll have to shout louder. Then, the situation becomes dangerous because the child will want to reach your level and will shout too.

Alejandra Velasco, speaker and author of the book Soy mamá gritona y quiero dejar de serlo, (I’m a yelling mother and I would like to stop it) explains: “There comes a time when the child gets used to the loud tone of its mother’s voice and just doesn’t listen anymore”. Some parents say, ‘My kid likes to be yelled‘ but that’s not true.

Children do not make their parents scream, the fault is not theirs, “yelling parents are adults who don’t know how to control their emotions”. In other words, if the goal of screaming is to create a positive habit, you’re not getting it. If you’re looking for catharsis, take out frustration and show that you’re angry, then you should analyze why you’re screaming. The tip of the iceberg is the scream, that’s just the symptom, but underneath is the whole cause. Why do we scream?

Many times, a mom who shouts for nothing is a frustrated person, a woman who is angry with her husband, who has an unsolved mourning, who feels saturated or always is looking for perfection.

She wants to look good with the boss, cooks extremely elaborate food, embrace many things, but the truth is that everybody needs help from family and partner. “Before you shout again, analyze your environment, reformulate the organization and distribution of the housework, create routines with your children, and give yourself permission to be deliciously imperfect”, says the child-rearing expert.

Maybe you want to read: 11 tips to raise with tenderness

What to do to avoid yelling?

Even it seems challenging, there are strategies that do not involve screaming like crazy. The key words are positive parenting, but this method requires planning and discipline from parents.

Talk to your family, set limits and rules. Explain the importance of routines. Establish consequences if transgressing those rules, so when applying the reprimand, they know in advance that it is part of the agreement. “It is important that parents have educational and knowledge tools about positive discipline and positive language. This does not mean that children will do what they want, on the contrary, one of the pillars that parents must handle is to set rules and routines.

If you stablish that at 8 p.m. your kid has to take a shower, start telling your child five minutes before 8 p.m. that bath time is coming, instead of shouting GET IN THE BATH NOW! Play some music, dance together, and make some jokes. In this way your kid will see bath time as a game and will be waiting bath time with joy”, explains Velasco.

If through screaming you are looking for a change of positive habits, you are really wrong. Picture: Pixabay

Be conscious that you’re a screaming mom and solve it

The step from being a screaming mom to a mom with positive parenting tools is a process and involves self-knowledge and being aware of the moment we are losing our temper in order to avoid it. Remember that children learn by imitation, so if you learn to control yourself, you will also help your child take that step.

“Parents should try to control themselves and instead of yelling at their children they should try to manage a distraction, so children can integrate properly and understand. If you explain why you are angry and what the kid did wrong, it will understand clearly, but you have to talk in a consistent and calm way”, says Dr. Alva Moncayo.

On the other hand, Alejandra Velasco adds: “Before screaming to your child, breathe, stop for a few seconds and say: ‘I am the adult, it is a child, I have to control myself, not the child to me’. Only fight the battles you must fight, don’t exasperate for everything. Put on a rubber on your hand and every time you feel like screaming, pull it. Maybe a calendar will work for you, to draw a line on it every time you scream. The point is to find something that makes you aware and helps you think before yelling. You’re going to make it!”

Don’t miss: Paternity is to strength the loving bound

How to make your kid obey?

Getting kids to follow your instructions is also a process, but practice really changes the brain. Dr. Alan Kazdin, psychology professor at Yale University, promotes a method of background, behavior and consequences.

Background: You tell the kid with words according to its age, specifically, what you need to be done and what you expect from the kid.
Behavior: Defined and molded by parents with their example.
Consequence: The approval when a behavior is performed.

If you practice this method, instead of yelling to your child because it didn’t picked up its clothes, for example, in that moment pick up yours and invite the kid to tidy together (without doing the kid’s part). If the child did so, or even if it moved closer the clothes where they should be, tell him/her that he/she did a good job, hug and explain exactly why you’re praising him/her. If it didn’t follow the order, set the consequence established before like, do not watch television, do not use that toy, etc.

Try it, the saying goes, “You catch more flies with honey than with gall”.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version: Here

You could also check: This happens when you shout to your kids Child phobia, a world that excludes children 5 children’s books that highlight the value of being different

Older posts

Newer posts