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You are not weak; postpartum depression happens to many women

Posted on 28/02/2022 - 18:58 by Astrid Rivera Reynoso

When you become a mother, you face a series of expectations from your family, partner, and society. They make you believe that keeping everything under control and keeping what you feel to yourself is synonymous with strength. Little is said about emotions after giving birth, much less about postpartum depression.

Motherhood transforms you. The arrival of a life that depends 100% on you can be overwhelming, especially when you think that you will no longer be the same as before. If you add the changes in your body after childbirth and the ups and downs of emotions caused by hormones, you perceive yourself as very vulnerable.

Many women experience sadness after their baby’s birth. They may have mood swings, feel anxious, overwhelmed, have crying spells, lose their appetite, or have trouble sleeping. These feelings usually go away within a few days or a week of having the baby and are known as baby blues or postpartum blues.

However, the symptoms of postpartum depression last longer and are more severe. The National Library of Medicine explains that the new mom can feel hopeless and helpless, leading to disinterest in her child.

Moms can feel sad after giving birth. Photo: Pixabay

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A roller coaster of emotions

Many moms keep their emotions to themselves and don’t talk about postpartum depression for fear of being judged. Ani Cuartas, a lactation consultant, says, “Motherhood is a roller coaster of emotions; when your baby is born, on the one hand, you are happy, but you are also haunted by the thoughts that you will no longer be the same”.

People tell you, “You became a mother; your baby is healthy. Why are you crying? Why are you not happy? Why do you miss your old life? You feel like you are in a stadium, and all the lights are pointed at you; in the event of any failure, they point you out. It is a process that very few of us talk about, but it is very important to speak about it; motherhood is a roller coaster, full of emotions”.

Ani says that the love for your child is “the greatest you can feel on the planet”, but becoming a mother implies a reorganization of your activities and that your life will never be the same.

“These are normal things that happen to us due to hormonal change and due to grief, although the word sounds ugly. It is grief because our old self dies and a new self begins… Seeing your child be born, holding him in your arms is the most divine thing that can happen to you as a woman, but you do go through many hormonal, physical, and psychological changes”.

Motherhood can arouse mixed feelings. Photo: Shutterstock

What is postpartum depression?

It is a severe affective mental disorder. Its main symptoms are sadness, high levels of tiredness, sleep disorders, and high cortisol levels, details the World Health Organization (WHO).

Postpartum depression is more common than you think; 1 in 7 women go through it during the first year of their child’s life, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, while in Mexico, it is estimated that 23% of women mothers suffer from it, reveal data from the National Institute of Public Health (INSP).

Remember that postpartum depression is not a sign of weakness or being a bad mother but is part of the change you go through when your baby is born.

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Causes

Although there is no single cause of postpartum depression, the Mayo Clinic discusses some contributing factors:

Physical changes: After your child’s birth, there is a drop in estrogen and progesterone levels. In addition, the decrease in hormones produced by the thyroid can lead to tiredness, laziness, and depression.
Emotional problems: When you have not slept and feel overwhelmed, it can be difficult for you to deal with everyday situations, making you doubt your ability to care for your newborn, along with feeling less attractive and losing your identity or control of your life can contribute to postpartum depression.

Hormonal changes and emotions contribute to postpartum depression. Photo: Pixabay

When should you ask for help?

Mayo Clinic recommends that if symptoms persist or take on these characteristics:

They don’t disappear after two weeks
The worsen
They make it difficult for you to take care of your baby
They make it difficult for you to complete your everyday tasks
They include thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby

It would help if you went to a specialist for proper treatment.

Translated by: Ligia Mabel Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

5 positive strategies to manage children’s anger

Posted on 18/10/2021 - 18:45 by Ligia Oliver

We all have felt anger or rage, it is a totally normal and healthy human emotion. Since we are born, we can feel it and over time we learn how to moderate and canalize it. As parents, it is good to use positive parenting strategies so that our little ones know how to manage anger.

Why do children get angry?

According to the American Academy of Psychology, there are many things that can make children get angry:

0 to 18 months of age, they get angry because of hunger, noise, tiredness or overstimulation.
18 to 36 months of age because they want that you give them what they want immediately, they get frustrated when they can’t do what they want, or others don’t understand them.
3 to 5 years old, they get angry because they are learning to share things, it is not easy for them to understand that others think differently, they do not know how to control their emotions.
6 to 9 years old, they get angry because they feel rejected, criticized, discriminated and misunderstood.

Positive Strategies for Managing Children’s Anger

According to Luz María Peniche, psychoanalyst and author of the book, A Guide to Raising Healthy and Safe Children, no emotion is negative or positive by itself. All of them have one goal, “they function as red flags for others and for ourselves; they are caused by our concerns”.

How can we help our children express and manage their emotions, especially anger?

1. Accept your child’s emotion

Peniche indicates that the only way for children to be on the way to an adequate management of emotions is that we accept and validate them. In other words, we should explain that it is a normal reaction, that he has the right to feel it, but that he must learn to control himself. She uses phrases like:

“I understand that you are angry”.

“Come, I will hug you, let’s take a deep breath; that will help you calm down”.

Tell him about a moment when you got angry, in this way you also validate his affections.

2. Help him express and name it

The next step is to make them feel safe to express themselves and know how to name what they feel: anger, sadness, happiness.

If the child is in the middle of an outburst, remind him of the house rules, but help him turn the anger into words. For example: Use your words to tell me what you feel. What caused that anger? Don’t push your kid, he may need some time before talking. Let him calm down.

3. Let the kid detect the source of his anger

The mere fact of analyzing the cause of anger lowers its intensity. In addition, you reinforce the validation of the feeling. When someone listens to you, you are better able to process the emotion.

“When we identify the source of the anger and frustration and fix the resentment and offense, we help children deal with the emotion”. If it is difficult for him, but you infer what caused his anger, ask him, so that he can identify the cause:

“You got angry because your brother doesn’t want to lend you his toy, didn’t you?” “I know you don’t like to take a bath. I understand it makes you angry, but in that way we are clean and prevent illnesses”.

4. Let him learn to distinguish actions from emotions

Explain that sometimes when we are angry (sad or scared), we feel like disobeying and misbehaving, but go over the house rules.

Your child will understand the message if you make clear statements, without accusations or humiliating words. He has to understand that he should not let emotion take over because an exaggerated anger complicates the problem and makes us act impulsively.

“In this family, yelling, throwing objects or hitting is not allowed. Calm down. Use your words to explain what bothers you”.

5. Find ways to calm him down.

The last step is to change his mood. “Find ways to calm him down and comprehend his anger”, says Peniche.

a) Look for a distractor

Instead of thinking about the person or situation that caused the anger, encourage him to think about something else like taking a walk, digging in the garden, listening to music, riding a bike.

You can say something like: “I understand that you’re mad because I didn’t buy you that toy, but we’re going to sing so you calm down”. “I know you’re afraid of the dark, but we’ll bring your special teddy bear to keep you company”.

b) Change the environment, keep him away from the conflict

Take him to a quiet place and tell him it’s okay to walk away from the problem to avoid an angry outburst. By moving to another part of the house or to the backyard, the child can get some space and work on calming down.

c) Find ways to release anger

Another strategy for processing anger, if all else fails, is to find a safe way to release the emotion.

Suggest ways for the child to unburden himself:

Crisscross jumping
Some controlled pillow punches
Write or draw a picture of what is bothering

We are sure that with these tips you can help your child control his anger. Try them and if you have any other tip, do not hesitate to share it with us.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

The Box of Kisses: a story for children that makes parents think

Posted on 12/10/2021 - 17:38 by Desarrollo WebAdictos

The Little Box of Kisses, also called, The Box Full of Kisses, is a children’s story that teaches parents the importance of words. Because mom and dad are not only responsible for meeting the needs of children, but also the way they treat their children form the image of themselves. The story, which is by an unknown author, goes like this:

The Box of Kisses

Some time ago, a man punished his little 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper, which he had saved for Christmas presents.

Money was tight on those days, so he exploded in fury when he saw the girl trying to wrap a cardboard box.

The little girl’s idea was to put the box under the Christmas tree as a special gift, but her father did not know this, and he yelled at her to send her to her room.

The little girl, sad and disheartened, moved from the sight of her father who continued to angrily grumble about the cost of that beautiful wasted paper.

“Don’t you know how much that paper costs? You mustn’t have played with it. Go to your room!”

So, the next morning, the girl shyly took the gift to her father and said,

–“This is for you, Daddy”.

The man was embarrassed by his previous furious reaction, but he exploded again when he saw that the box was empty.

And he again shouted at her angrily:

–

“But what kind of joke is this? Don’t you know that when you give someone a gift there’s supposed to be something inside?”.

The little girl looked up, she was shocked to see her father’s angry reaction. With tears in her eyes, and, very afraid, she told him,

–

“Oh, Daddy, it’s not empty! Last night before wrapping it up I blew a lot of kisses into that box and they’re all for you”.

The man felt very guilty for having been so cruel.

He fell to his knees, hugged her daughter and begged her to forgive him. It is said that this father kept that golden box near his bed for the rest of his life. The girl grew up and left home to start her own family. Whenever he felt alone and defeated, he took an imaginary kiss from her and remembered the love that her daughter had deposited there. Over time he understood that there was no more beautiful gift that he could have received.