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How to recognize if your kid is “High Demanding”

Posted on 05/05/2021 - 13:30 by Ligia Oliver

High Demanding children are those boys and girls who have difficult temperament and, as its name says, “they demand too much attention”, explains psychotherapist Paulina López Benítez, from R&A psicólogos center.

For Paulina, MD in Psychology and expert therapist in child and adolescents, temper is a characteristic we are born with. It doesn´t have to do with education or the way we are raised, but with the traits of the character and the innate way of being of a person.

Every child demands its parents’ attention, and it is not about labeling them, but recognize that they´re young and they have more needs than other children.

The North American pediatrician William Sears proposed the term “High Demanding Children”, after the birth of his fourth daughter, who has a very difficult temper.

We recommend you to read: All children throw tantrums, and it’s normal.

Characteristics of these Little ones

After a baby is born, its parents or its caretakers will notice if they are in front of a “High Demanding Child”, because some specific characteristics will be very notable at a daily family interaction.

This situation could be exceedingly difficult to handle because, these kids, sometimes are judged as spoiled or without limits.

López Benítez points out that, among the main features of High Demanding Children we could find:

Ask for more attention from their parents. They need mom or dad attention all the time, practically 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and this could be very exhausting because they insist, pull you, throw a tantrum or thrown themselves on the floor.

They’re in constant motion. We’re talking about children with a lot of physical activity and need to move all the time. They’re restless! It seems that they can’t sit still five minutes at a time.

Need a lot of physical contact. They cry if you’re not carrying them, they need to be hugged or patted on the shoulder all the time. “They demand a lot of physical contact”.

Skin-deep sensibility. They live their emotions very intensely. They’re very sensitive to criticism and assume situations very personally. Also, they have difficult in expressing their emotions.

For his part, psychologist Alberto Soler points out that all children demand attention, so he doesn’t understand the utility of this term, because, “there have always been calmer or easier-tempered babies, and more demanding or more difficult-tempered ones”.

However, the expert recognizes that some babies are more demanding than others, and that there even could be some extreme cases that push their parents to the limit, but, “when this label is used to describe more than half of the babies, I think it loses its raison d’être”.

We recommend you to read: what if my partner doesn’t set limits to our kids?

What to do?

If you have noticed that you have a High Demanding Child, psychologist Paulina López Benítez offers you six strategies to manage this situation:

Accept your child just the way it is. Before a baby is born, parents already have expectations of how they’d like their child to be. Sometimes the ideals of parents are very rigid. A child is an individual and unique being who will have his own characteristics.

Never compare your child. This is the most frequent mistake that parents make, and it can impact seriously bad in its self-esteem. Avoid comparisons among brothers, cousins, friends, neighbors.

Teach your kid to do its activities alone. Try to make your child independent as it grows. Motivate it to make some activities on its own while you’re working.

Set limits. This implies that there will be consequences due to his/her behavior, which must be consistent and coherent (the consequences). Careful, boundaries are not about being an authoritarian or violent parent.

Avoid saying the word NO. Instead of overwhelming or limiting your child, give it options among things it can do, and try to negotiate.

Try that your child does a physical activity, it will bring a lot of benefits in a physical and emotional level. It will help the child to get tired and, when night comes, could easily fall asleep.

This situation could be very difficult to manage because sometimes they are judged as spoiled or limitless kids.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version: Here

We recomend you to read: Risks of being a “soft” mom or dad.

This is the essential skincare for boys and girls

Posted on 22/02/2021 - 17:51 by Ligia Oliver

The skin is the largest organ in the body and has very important functions that help maintain good health: it prevents germs from entering the body, protects us from cold and heat and provides an immune defense. When to start skincare? The answer is: From birth.

“Skincare should start from newborns and continue throughout life”, says Dr. Rossana Janina Llergo Valdez, president of the Mexican Foundation for Dermatology.

To prevent it from being vulnerable to injuries, infections and irritations, the expert shares these three recommendations that we should try on the skin of our girls and boys:

1. The first skincare: Protect it from the sun

Excessive exposure to UV sun rays favors processes of inflammation of the skin, that is, it damages it. And the damage received in childhood affects the skin throughout life. In fact, it is known that by the age of 18, 80% of skin damage is already done.

“From the age of 2 it is advisable to use sunscreen. Although this could be applied from the age of six months, it is not convenient to expose the little ones to such a significant amount of sunlight, such as in the beach because these conditions will easily attack their skin”, emphasizes Dr. Llergo Valdez.

In babies, the production of melanin, a pigment that helps protect us from the sun, is much slower, so it is necessary to take care of their skin from the sun’s ultraviolet radiation.

The skin protector must be of dermatological degree (preferably sunscreens, which have titanium dioxide and zinc oxide in their composition), have a minimum SPF (sun protection factor) of 30, although the ideal is 50, and be resistant to water.

Whether the boys or girls are indoors or outdoors, it must be applied every four hours. If they are in a place that receives significant solar radiation, it must be reapplied every two hours.

Complementing sun protection with clothing (preferably cotton) is very important. It is suggested that they wear long sleeves, a cap or hat, and glasses. For the legs, denim is very useful.

There are clothes with FPS, if you have the possibility to purchase them, this is an extra help.

“By establishing habits of sun protection from childhood, your skin will be healthy and you will have less chance of developing skin cancer in adulthood. We must not forget the fact that the skin has a memory”, says the expert.

2. Skincare at bath time

Skin hygiene is essential. Young and older children should take brief baths, with lukewarm water and neutral soap or syndet dermocleaners, with moisturizing qualities, which are discreetly acidic and respect the lipid layer of the skin so as not to attack it due to frequent use.

The dermatologist Llergo Valdez points out that loofahs or sponges should be avoided, since these objects are aggressive with the skin.

It is recommended to give a gentle massage, only with your hands and soap, without generating friction. In the case of little ones who wear a diaper, it is recommended to clean this area only with soap and water and avoid perfumed wipes, as they could cause irritation.

3. Keep it moisturized

After bathing, pay close attention to drying. It is recommended to do it very well in the area of the folds to prevent moisture from contributing to the reproduction of bacteria and germs.

Right at the end of the bath and drying, you have to apply a moisturizing cream; at this moment the skin will take full advantage of its benefits. The emollient cream should be applied even to newborns.

Pay attention to any alteration

During the first year of life, it is very common that young kids suffer from skin problems. The weather, the environment, the lack of hydration, irritants, genetics, among others, make them prone to inflammatory conditions such as atopic dermatitis, which is characterized by redness, rashes and itching.

“If our children present changes or spots on their skin, we must take them to the specialist and not self-medicate them. When home recommendations are followed, the ointments and medications used can cause irreversible damage”, warns Dr. Llergo Valdez.

To keep our children’s skin healthy, it is advisable to take them for a check-up once a year with a pediatric dermatologist, who will also review their family history to provide preventive care.

The three most common skin conditions in childhood are atopic dermatitis, viral infections such as molluscum contagiosum, and warts.

“It is very important to teach our sons and daughters these good habits and help them understand the need to take care of their skin throughout their life”, explains the current president of the Mexican Foundation for Dermatology.

If there are newborns, infants and young children at home, do not forget to follow the three basic cares mentioned above: short baths, moisturizing the skin and protecting it from the sun.

In adolescence, skincare will change a bit, but based on these, the age in which hormones begin to do their thing will surely not be difficult to cope with, at least in terms of skin.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

HELP, my kid swears!

Posted on 04/02/2021 - 14:48 by Ligia Oliver

The family is gathered in the dining room when they suddenly hear 4-year-old Lu say a foul word. Her mother looks at her furiously and yells at her not to be rude. Her dad, on the other hand, laughs out loud. Does this scene look familiar to you?

In childhood, boys and girls say rude things without knowing the meaning of those words. There are parents who find it amusing or “funny” to hear them talk like that. Even some family members, such as uncles or grandparents, reward preschoolers for saying them, since they find it funny the way the kids pronounce those words.

When he was five years old, Gabriel remembers that every time his godfather came to visit, he used to pay him 10 pesos to say a bad word, “it made him laugh a lot how I pronounced the swearing. My mom scolded me. So, secretly, my godfather gave me money to repeat it”, says Gabriel, who now tries not to swear in front of his daughter.

Where do kids pick these words?

To prevent your child from saying rude things, child psychologist María Useche Criollo recommends that you tell them, respectfully and without yelling, not to say them, “by not magnifying the situation or giving it much importance, correct the child with respect, and tell him that what he has just said is a foul word, therefore, he should not repeat it”.

For many parents it is a surprise that their daughters and sons say bad words because they assure that they do not use bad language at home. However, we cannot ignore the fact that Mexican society is used to swear at least in 20 different ways in their daily conversations, according to the survey“The Mexican and foul words” by Consulting Mitofsky.

The document shows that young men are the ones who use them the most, especially hanging out with friends.

Specialist Useche Criollo thinks that one of the reasons why boys and girls swear is because they hear foul words within their family or school environment, “primary caregivers have the possibility to control the places the kids visit; therefore, they can specifically determine where they could have heard or learned those words”.

Reactions to “swearwords”

Avoid laughing when they say something rude, otherwise they will continue to draw your attention in this way and understand that it is acceptable behavior. “By using positive reinforcement for negative behaviors, the only thing that will be achieved is to maintain these behaviors over time”, emphasizes the psychologist.

Don’t yell at them or spank them. “Laughter and anger, both extremes, will make a boy or girl continue using bad language to get attention, something very important at this stage of their lives”, says Useche.

Avoid humiliating. they are getting to know the world. Offending them will create negative feelings.

Explain why they shouldn’t say “bad words”. Do it with disposition, good attitude and respect, and set an example by not saying them so that they do not have to use them.

Teach an appropriate word that can substitute the “bad word”.

“Rude Boy!”

Parents should not put labels on our girls and boys. If we tell them “you are rude”, we are damaging the self-image he has of himself.

The expert Useche Criollo recommends going to therapy to evaluate the family context and establish what behaviors, actions or words the kids are imitating, and what modifications in the behavior of parents or caregivers can be made to eliminate the cause of the use of bad language.

If your boy or girl swears constantly, this means that they are growing in an environment where bad language is spoken. Check what happens at home, at school or to the places where he usually goes.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

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