The arrival of a baby turns your life upside down: you don’t sleep, you’re always tired, and you have to divide yourself to fulfill all the activities you have. A new human being demands constant attention, so your priorities change, and the role of lover is often left aside. How do you take care of the couple’s relationship?
Both must be aware that you need to work as a team to face the adaptation process and the challenges. Nothing will be the same as before your baby, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.
According to the book To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First, it is essential to prioritize your partner to be better parents. It doesn’t mean neglecting the kids, but it does mean finding times to be together and talk about your day.
The alteration that your routine suffers after childbirth generates an explosion of emotions in the couple, who must immediately adapt to new roles and responsibilities, explains psychologist Giuliana Vásquez Varas.
“There is a change of roles in women apart from the role of a working woman, lover, daughter, and others, now she has the role of a mother; the same thing happens with the man, apart from a worker, son, friend, lover, he will have that of a father. For many people, this role is so intense that it absorbs, annuls, or displaces the others creating a mismatch”.
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Does the relationship change with a child?
An investigation published in the Journal of Family Psychology indicates that 67% of the studied couples felt dissatisfied with their relationship after the arrival of a child.
Although the birth of a child entails a transformation in the couple’s dynamics, this does not necessarily have to be negative; this depends on the characteristics of each case and how their interaction was before the baby, comments the specialist.
“Couples with a communicative and loving relationship tend to make this change more bearable and positively face each other. Suppose the couple had a conflictive relationship, communication problems, and there were no signs of affection. In that case, the arrival of a baby will be a tsunami in a relationship that is going through an earthquake”.
She details that the tiredness and lack of time together exacerbate the feelings of loneliness and misunderstanding that were present long before the birth of the little one, which causes a distance when feeling without support.
Tips to take care of the relationship
Understanding and empathy are essential to overcome the challenges that arise with a baby, and teamwork prevents routine from wearing down the relationship. Irene Fernández Pinto, a psychologist at the Autonomous University of Madrid, recommends the following to mom and dad:
- Rest: Look for some space to recover; then, you will have the energy to overcome the difficulties that arise during the day.
- Reorganization of tasks: Share the workload with your partner equally. If it doesn’t work, rearrange them to suit both needs.
- Talk about your feelings: Express what you feel and need. Otherwise, it will accumulate and come out through passive-aggressive behaviors.
- Share common interests: Do you remember what your relationship was like before the children? Find time to talk about topics and likes that you shared. Avoid talking about the children.
- Dates without your baby: Although it can be difficult to be alone when your child is young, make plans to have dinner at home. At this point, the organization is the key since time is scarce.
- Count to 10: Fatigue makes emotions run high, try to stay calm before exploding.
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Don’t forget that caring a relationship is a job for two. Share these tips with your partner. Do you know any other?
Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver